My divorce from reality

Reality for me had some very rigid structures; it carried rules and attitudes of abstinence. I had led a licit life which indeed seemed like a simple pathway to take. My wife whom I love dearly, my children that I tuck in a night, all of which I feel deserving of.

This room is a special room, from the beautiful silky heaped pile of the damask carpet, to the gilt frame around the Holbine, to the glorious spread of hand-stitched hand picked furniture.

My unfortunate demise came about last Tuesday, a dying of old hopes, the death of all my plans, maybe death is too stronger a word, it was a seemingly untimely absence of life if you like. My actual plans were never big or ostentatious, but they always managed to turn out that way. It was around three o'clock, which was when I usually finish work, arriving home at three-twenty, being blessed with a short commute. I sat in this very room, this very place, one by one the children were brought home and my wife greeted them at the door as she had greeted me, a divine woman, of stature, intelligence, a woman with a radiant glow. It is such an ignominy that all I could deduce from this was death; all I had ever known was my own mind and the simplicity of my families' minds.

There is no way to pin point when this change came about, the transition from life to death, purity to ruin. The only thing that was clear that day was that nothing was ever really pure, it was nothing, absolutely nothing but emotionally purging when their deaths came about, untimely as it may seem, I'm not sure it could have been more opportune. Nothing could be more unspoiled than this.

I am surrounded by my loved ones, yet they cannot change a thing in this quiet room, this quiet life, all they can do is fade away into my basic cognitive processes.

Nobody comes here, so I am calm, our parents are long departed, our children rapt by their wordless lives. A father knows when his children no longer want to suffer and a husband knows when a wife wants nothing to change. Only I could grant these things of splendour.