New god same shit

Leon Harrison screamed down the A13 with the flickering lights of the speed paparazzi accompanying him as he rammed the revs, undertaking, pushing in and generally making a nuisance of himself. Leon did not care he was late and, as always, his god was on his side.

* * * Noid entered through the sitex door into what used to be the anteroom of The Lord Cecil, which to the untrained eye looked like any other squat. The occupants did not covet attention – they had enough of that in their daily work. There are reasons other people's gods don't work for them; in general they are apathetic, lethargic and confused. Leon had invented Noid –she is fresh, young and only has him to care for. Most people want for too much, they want utopia in a world that disagrees, they want cash in a world where no one wants to fit the bill. Leon couldn't drive very well and could do without crashing.

The Adjudicator sat across the room with a large set of scales clasped in his arms. He paid Noid no heed as she made her way into the main room but from under the table The Adjudicator's older sister Karma hissed at Noid. Noid tried not to look down – what would be, would be.

Noid was a new god, which wasn't to say that she didn't have power, because power was forged from belief, and although she only had one believer, his faith was unwavering. Noid was lucky she didn't have to go through the internal debate the hippie at the bar often suffered from; a never-ending conflict of desires; who to serve and why?

Standing towards the back of the bar, a shadow of their former selves, you could see the long forgotten Greek and Nordic deities playing out their days before they finally ceased to exist. The old jakie Dionysus loitered near the one-armed-bandit trying, but failing miserably, to connect with a succession of cheeky arse-slaps. Loki sat losing card game after card game – a worn out old trickster whose game was up.

Noid avoided the Alan Sugar look-alike Cash as the east Londoner was obviously here to see about a possible takeover. Noid made directly for the very back of the bar where The Laws of Physic's sat lamenting the plight of the national cricket team's failure to perform on foreign soil. Usually it was best to follow a disciples' wish about safe journeys and prearrange things so you had control of the right people at the right time; if need be, resorting to tricks like prank calling or traffic light switching to avoid vehicles that could crash into his. However, this was a last minute thing; which was why Noid was here.

* * * Leon played with the tuner trying to find something that wasn't ten year old jungle or teeny-pop. Directly in front of him a Sainsbury's HGV careered between the lanes, screeching and buckling just about to jacknife. Leon jammed on the breaks.

* * * The four old Laws who stank generally of pipe smoke and surely wore more tweed than most of Hackney sat round a booth tucking into a Sunday roast “Ahh the young Ms Noid, please take a seat.” This was going to be hard thought Noid, The Laws were impossible to bribe and difficult to convince. The best you could hope for was a blind eye.

“This is all rather irregular, did you not see fit to pursue this through the regular channels?”

“Sorry” said Noid “but Leon left in a hurry without saying my sacred rites and I didn't have time to prepare. If you could see within your powers to make Leon blind drunk and have only a minor accident, then not only would that give good cause to administer the memory loss… and as he would lose his license and probably have to do community service Karma would rest contented and Leon would have been taught a lesson.”

“You can't go breaking us wily nilly.” Said one of the Laws distorting his brow into a thousand worry lines.

“Your disciple does seem to be a rather petulant young man, he trusts in you a little bit too much.” Chimed in another of the Laws as he stroked his grey beard.

Pausing for a moment and taking time to read the faces of the other three, the oldest of the Laws spoke “As you do seem to have performed your duties particularly well, and as this is the first time you have come to see us, we can arrange it just this once…”

* * * Leon pulled himself free of the wreckage. Out the corner of his vision he saw the blue flashing lights getting steadily closer. His head was heavy and his vision blurry which was bizarre as he had been teetotal since the start of the millennium. He cursed something about what a great help his goddess protector had been for the crash to happen, until he remembered he hadn't prayed before he left the house. From somewhere above him someone in a uniform asked him if he was alright. He was suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to vomit.

* * * Noid headed out from the old pub and down to Hackney Central to jump on a 106. She hoped it would be a long time before she needed to return.

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